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Itsa bitsa betta

on May 31, 2012

I’ve been speaking in a New York accent lately “My man cawld me whiles I’s was doin my lawndrey, I was like, whys you gotta cawl me whiles I’m doin my lawndrey.”  That really happened.  For Halloween I have decided I am going to be a Hormone.  Its going to be glorious!  I will be so huge and puffy and annoyed, it will be so easy.  Actually my man friend and I were thinking of doing a duet (cause thats what cool couples dooooo suckas!)  I’m going to be a pimple and he is going to be a Clearasil bottle.  Heeelarious.  Yes, I know its only May.

I’m still eating veggies and organic humus like its my full time job and I love every gassy episode.  I went out for sushi the other night with some friends (I will put this in parenthesis for all you judgers: its fine!!!! America loooves to scare its pregnant woman, and no I did not have tuna) and it was interesting….

Story numero uno: we sit down, going great. Uh oh bathroom break real quick.  Barfy barfy barf (before I even ate anything), I swing the door open, with sweat glistening on my brow, huge exhale of “whew!” and I proceed to get awkward with the two ladies waiting to use the single ladies room. “Man, did you hear that?”  Ladies with horrified judgy looks: “Yes.”  Me: “Just so you know I am not bulimic I am pregnant okay?”  Ladies: “mumble mumble.”  It was a prime candidate for best awkward moment I caused.  Winning!

Story numero dos:  I went to the mega 24 hour gym in Centennial with my manfriend who works near there (like you need a special membership to go in this place, true story).  I wanted to “try it out” aka never go back again to Guam.  The sweet little lady behind the counter couldn’t find my normal membership in the system (I have thoughts that perhaps they have not charged me the past two months and I am silently elated).  So during the time that she is paging a fitness instructor to come to the desk to help her I proceed to inadvertently do what I do best, make things awkward.  Me: “Yeah I have not been to the gym in two months, I suck, I’m so fat.”  Lady: (horrified look) “Oh no! you look fine, you’re not fat, I’ve….mumbled off into some incoherent talk that was unnecessary and an awesome look into human nature’s response to feeling responsible for my feelings on feeling fat…”  Me: “Yeah I’m preggo and have had the worst morning sickness the past two months.”  Lady: rather little girl who barely had breasts developing: “Oh I’m sure that was horrible…mumble mumble into some incoherent talk about babies and things she has no clue about and now is thinking she needs to stop having sex with her video gamed obsessed boyfriend with an “ok” penis.”

I exhaust myself.

I have many awkward moments with waitresses about TBT.  Thats for another time my friends.

I did run all the way around Washington Park for the first time in months yesterday without stopping.  I felt really good and for the first time I was thinking I may have passed over the morning sickness slash all day sickness hump.  I am going to try and repeat that today too.  I have not taken my medicine for nausea yet but I might take a half just in case and ween myself off them to prevent Hormone Harriot from resurfacing.  I’m getting ready for the Epic Relay!!! Cant wait.  And there will be a midwife on the team this year and I plan on stalking her!!! yayayayayay

Still taking pre-natals, and have not really been craving sugar at all, its so much easier than the TBT when I was having freak out withdrawals.  Lots of fresh fruit and veggies.  I do splurge and drink this yummy chocolate milk from Whole Foods but I dont eat much calcium so I figure it balances out.

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One response to “Itsa bitsa betta

  1. Frida says:

    Holy shit, booya. You are hilarious.

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